My husband asked me to call our Chiropractor in the States and when I described my symptoms he said I needed to come as soon as possible as I could experience permanent nerve damage and even lose use of my legs. By this point, I was loosing feeling in my legs and feet. I could not sit, stand or laydown for more than a few minutes at a time and the pain was so bad I felt like I would go crazy. Praise our God, we had enough airline miles for a free ticket, so off I went to find relief and healing.
Although the trip was long and hard, I made it and began 10 days of treatment. The first week I struggled with deep discouragement as my body began throwing off the effects of the pain, shock and bad medicines I had resorted to. Along with the back and nerve pain I was also having other issues. However, relief came and by day 10 I was ready to return home too complete my healing and gain back my strength. At my final appointment my doctor made clear to me that this injury had now caused a permanent weakening to my back and that moving forward I would need to take greater care with my activities. This meant that certain things I love to do could no longer be part of my lifestyle!
The evening before I was leaving, I was thinking about this trial and the news I had received. Of course, there is always that question of why...why now, why this, why me? But I have learned to hand that back and trust that God is doing things I cannot even begin to perceive and that one day I will know as I am known. Then I found myself crying and discouraged and angry at myself for such a stupid mistake like falling off my bike.
As I moved through these emotions, I started thinking how trials are to refine us, to change us, to reveal things. In that vain, it occurred to me that there are different types of trials with different outcomes. There are trials that are self generated through sin and willful disobedience. Hopefully we learn our lesson and the other side brings heart change. There are trials allowed by our loving Father to mature us and shave away the flesh, exchanging it with the heart of God. Prayerfully, the other side brings maturity and a greater trust in God's faithfulness. Then there are the trials that bring permanent life change, like the death of a loved one or cancer or even the inability to do things we did before. The difference from other trials is that not only are you dealing with the pain of the trial itself, but you are also traveling through the grieving process of a major loss. I now understood that I was grieving a loss and working through embracing a permanent change in my life. This realization made everything easier to understand and accept. I still don't know why now and why this, but I trust that this life change will ultimately be used to glorify my Father in Heaven as I continue on.
So when trials come your way, and they will, take a moment to consider what type of trial and then look to the other side and trust that God is working it all together for our good and His glory. This life is but for a moment, it is a breath, a puff of steam. Eternity is...well forever and ever and God is shaping me for that life not this one!